Scrolling through Facebook, I’m hammered by ads promising to rocket my business to the top of Google Maps. The headline of today’s gem: “Rank Higher Risk-Free Guaranteed.” I bit. I clicked. The ‘guarantee’ turned out to be: if they don’t get results in 30 days, they’ll give you another month free. That’s like a heart surgeon offering a redo at no extra charge if they botch your bypass. This isn’t a guarantee—it’s marketing lipstick on a pig.
To make matters worse, these outfits insist on full access to your Google Business Profile. They’ll post as you, reply as you, and manage your reputation for you. Would you hand over the keys to your online presence to a faceless AI service charging $49? I’m all for automation and AI, but I’m not about to let some unknown script impersonate me because it says “trust me, I’m an algorithm.”
Curiosity being my kryptonite, I ran a quick check on the firm’s own site. Guess what? They rank for exactly zero keywords and get precisely zero organic traffic. That’s why they’re bombarding you and me with ads: their own SEO is DOA. It’s not that their service can’t work; it’s that if search engine optimization is their secret sauce, their own kitchen looks pretty bare.
Bottom line: common sense trumps hype. The AI gold rush has spawned hundreds of services just like this one, each dangling guarantees that are either meaningless or mathematically impossible. I’m not singling anyone out here, just pointing out a pattern. Enjoy the new tech, but remember the basics: if a promise seems too good to be true, it probably is. Buyer beware.
UPDATE: The Local SEO Bot replied to me comment!
